He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
