just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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