And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I supernannyed him into submission
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
