I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
