I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
