omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
