puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
