dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
