I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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