O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
