ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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