Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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