afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
