Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
