She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I smell like Dick and happiness
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
