i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
