i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
