So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
