Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
