Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
