my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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