I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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