Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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