Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
