Don't you send me to vm
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
