please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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