ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
