And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
