Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
