I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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