my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My vagina just clenched in fear
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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