I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
