So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
