well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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