He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
