he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
