we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As shirtless as possible
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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