I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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