I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
