My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
