I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
