The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
