I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
