i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
