My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
