i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
