i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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