So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
