Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
