I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
