Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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