You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
