is your mom at the bar?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
