Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
